Lee Kai Ze reviewed Everything We Never Had by Randy Ribay
Fatherhood driven by dreams and dignity forms generational trauma
5 stars
There is a clear loop of generational problems happening in families—and Ribay shows this through four generations of Filipino American men navigating racism, assimilation pressure, and identity erasure—each generation forming resentment towards the next.
What commonly happen for generations are:
- Problems of the era + men's dignity + perceptions = dreams
- Pursue the dream and encountering hardships
- Give their children more so they are able to achieve that dream
- Children rebellion towards the other end of spectrum, hoping to become better by not going through the same route
- Facing the problem of the era and repeat the loop
What can be changed is to let children be who they are, giving them the true love and explore the new era together. The problem shouldn't be treated as: children are simply rebellious and not grateful for what they had.
Sometimes the …
There is a clear loop of generational problems happening in families—and Ribay shows this through four generations of Filipino American men navigating racism, assimilation pressure, and identity erasure—each generation forming resentment towards the next.
What commonly happen for generations are:
- Problems of the era + men's dignity + perceptions = dreams
- Pursue the dream and encountering hardships
- Give their children more so they are able to achieve that dream
- Children rebellion towards the other end of spectrum, hoping to become better by not going through the same route
- Facing the problem of the era and repeat the loop
What can be changed is to let children be who they are, giving them the true love and explore the new era together. The problem shouldn't be treated as: children are simply rebellious and not grateful for what they had.
Sometimes the "fix" can be easy, but dignity and stubbornness of men simply leads them to reject the truth. Enzo—the fourth generation—doesn't just rebel. He asks questions. He walks with his grandfather daily during the pandemic and starts seeing the pattern none of them could name.